47.6

What started out as a making of a new texture, the chessboard, quickly became a rumination on loss of control in life, certainly an appropriate reaction to a particularly hard week. The living of two lives, dividing my time between my artistic pursuits and the necessary day job results in a lot of lost sleep, exhaustion, and, when the day job becomes particularly taxing, as it has this week, depression. Putting a character on a chessboard is nothing new, but my model shot gave me a feeling of anticipation, or hesitation, and someone planning to make a move.

I added chess pieces in the background, but they proved too obtrusive and obvious, so I swapped them out for orbs, and with the lens flares looking like ominous camera eyes, I was reminded of spy cameras, or drones...a lot of talk about that and other illusory freedoms that we never really had in the news lately, as our government clenches tighter and tighter on individuality, freedom of speech, and more and more money seems to be sucked out of my wallet. I guess I am feeling like a pawn in a mindless game, hence, this image and its meaning.

Model: Gilberto Mendez