I am looking at the things that hold me back as an artist and how those perceptions are shaped not only now but in the nature vs nurture of growing up.
In marriage our expectations of one another can be skewed and the priorities of our partner not always on the same path. In many ways my perfectionism takes over the tasks I feel need to be done and in some instances feel expected to be done. With that, comes the defeatist attitude of not getting to the end result I imagine and my fantasy life conquers me before I can process the order to complete the goal.
I have at times perceived this as my partners fault for not "allowing" me to be creative or eccentric, when in reality I crave a severely ordered and organized aesthetic. The chaos saves me from proving to myself that I am unable to get there. It is easier to blame someone else when you told yourself 20 times to do the dishes and are angry at yourself already.
I can totally do a photoshoot, edit and process it to satisfaction!