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My Alfa Romeo 156 Ti

Published May 16th, 2012

When I was about fourteen years old, flicking through some weekend paper's colour supplement, I saw the advert for the Alfa 156, having been recently released and also winning European Car of the Year. I wasn't even hugely into cars, but from then on, I wanted one.

Once I could feasibly learn to drive, my parents gave me driving lessons as a birthday present, but since I never had any money, did have a bike and always lived in the city, I never took them up on it.

That promise got a bit close to expiry at the ripe old age of 26, so I did learn to drive in July 2010, just for the skills. Sadly, it turned out to be fun - who knew? That gave me the idea that I could actually do what I'd promulgated on about for so long, specifically 'not having a car until I have a shiny red Alfa'.

So, for three months I hunted high and low for a 156 that was both shiny and red. Then I gave up and bought a blue one.

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Blurple

The paintwork is a brief daydream of shiny in a cruel world of loose stones and hedges that have been specially sharpened by artisan vegetable botherers.

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Thirst

It drinks more oil than a robotic fish and when it comes to its penchant for petrol we find it passed out on a bench in the long-abandoned wagon station.

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Cheese

The wheels are made of gently warmed brie.

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Pandora

The cambelt is a £500 cheestring. The engine is born of mechanical improbability in a torrid affair of Italian nonchalance and nightmarish experiments in direct injection.

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Moon

It has a turning circle of 238,857 miles and it cannot ever be parked.

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Discotheque

Sometimes interesting little lights illuminate to remind you that you will never slip the grasp of the cruel mistress of inescapable destiny, and then they go away when you look again.

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Sometimes

The stereo doesn't work when it's cold and the air conditioning doesn't work when it's hot. One of the speakers doesn't work on Tuesdays.

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Cow

The leather nags at you to give up accountancy and go into the mountains with six prostitutes and that's how motorway trips from Southampton to Blackpool find you taking in Aberystwyth. And it's still not even f**king red.

But it is mine, and I love it so much.

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JantjeFatsoen
Jan van Dijk  over 5 years ago

Very nice. Got a 2003 156jtd with almost 400.000 km and still going. Yours is in mint condition...

VijayetaDuggal
Vijayeta Duggal  over 5 years ago

amazing... :)